"Hello, people watching this discreetly at work. Stephen Colbert here. Nice headphones," Stephen Colbert said.
"Worship me, you minions of the worldwide wasteland," Colbert said.
What's Stephen Colbert Been Up To Since "The Colbert Report" Ended?
"You shall ride eternal, shiny and chrome. ... That’s my intern Andro. He’s earning college credit," Colbert said.
"17, 18, 19!" he said.
Creating viral videos.
"So good," he said.
"Fun is fun," Colbert said.
"I'm so confused right now," Eminem said.
"My show went off the air in December, and you have not seen me much since then," Colbert said.
So he's fixing that (and shaving his beard).
"I call this the half wolverine," he said.
But not before reflecting on fun times with said beard.
He's also making fun of presidential campaigns.
"Enough, enough. Cut the music; my mouth has more to say," he said.
"I agree with Donald that America is dead, buried in a coffin," he said.
"Oh, yeah. I’m really rich," he said.
And congratulating same-sex marriage equality.
"Happy pride weekend!" he said.
"The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" premieres Sept. 8.
"What time is it? It's late. What show is it? It's show ... The show will be so great. It'll be a big success," he said.
"You will say, 'Can you dig it? Can you dig it,'" he said.
This video includes images from Getty Images.