(Image source: The Telegraph)

BY DANNY MATTESON

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Have you ever been in so much pain that you thought it would be a good idea to operate on yourself -- with a butter knife --  on your patio -- naked? We didn’t think so. Well, one man in California has. LA Weekly has the details.

“A 63-year-old man was discovered -- alive and naked on a lounge chair outside his house -- with a knife protruding from his belly...What was the guy trying to do? Perform surgery on himself with a butter knife. His hernia was bothering him, he said.”

But even after his wife had dialed 911, this medical Macgyver wasn’t quite finished with his D.I.Y. doctoring. The Daily Mail explains.

“Amazingly, as they waited for paramedics to arrive, the man pulled the knife out and shoved a cigarette inside the open wound.”

Not surprisingly, actual doctors believe this aspiring surgeon may have only made matters worse. A surgeon at Glendale Adventist Medical Center told The Telegraph...    

“‘It is absolutely impossible for someone to fix their own hernia’ ... ‘Obviously, there is some amount of psychosis going on’ ...adding that repairing a hernia is relatively easy, and usually takes about 20 to 30 minutes for a trained surgeon.”



But this cautionary tale of medical misadventure may actually have a happy ending -- unless you happen to be a taxpayer this man’s county. Police Sergeant Tom Lorenz told MSNBC...

“‘Whether they have insurance or not is not a matter anymore, seeing that he is in the care of the county. Because of that, he will get the removal or repair of the hernia at taxpayers' expense.’”

Finally, if your mental image of this old-fashioned operation isn’t quite vivid enough, you’re in luck. Animators at Next Media have, thankfully, illustrated what happened. Enjoy.  

“The 63 year old man tried to alleviate the pain of his abdominal hernia using a butter knife. His wife called the police and when officers arrived they found the man naked on his patio with the knife sticking out of his abdomen. The man then used a cigarette to cauterize the wound while waiting for an ambulance.”

Oh, and one more thing. Don’t try this at home...or anywhere else for that matter. Ever.

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